LIFE IS NOT FAIR

 

In 1962 international tensions were rising between the United States and global communism, particularly with aa growing insurgency in Vietnam and pressure on Berlin Germany. As a result of the need for increased manpower to bolster our military resources, the Department of Defense began to federalize some state national guard units into active mobilization. This action wreaked havoc on national guard soldiers and airmen who heretofore were civilians with only a monthly weekend duty commitment. Their complaints along with the concerns of their families and civilian employers reached the national press. When President John Kennedy was asked about the complaints and concerns at one of his press conferences, he replied, “Life is not fair.”

At first glance some would think Kennedy was flippant in his response to the federalized national guardsmen and their families. Some could even think that Kennedy had had good fortune in his life; after all, despite his wealth, good looks, and political successes, he had also felt life’s unfairness- bad back, nearly being killed or captured by the enemy during World War ll, loss of a child, and finally murdered by an assassin. Kennedy indeed personally knew that life is not fair amidst the dark side of Camelot.  

Children instinctively learn protest “That’s not fair!” when they feel someone has taken advantage of them. A wise child will eventually learn there is a difference between equal opportunity and equal outcomes due to circumstances beyond his/her control. A wiser child will immediately focus on the circumstances within his/her control to achieve some life goals. When I was a middle school teacher a student once protested to me that a school directive was not fair. So, I asked him, “Who told you that life is fair?” “My mama,” was his quick reply. I responded with a statement I do recommend, “Your mama lied to you.”

Sometimes life puts one into overwhelming situations seemingly out of control. Carleton Ogburn, Jr. was a communications officer with the famed Merrill’s Marauders fighting in the jungles of Burma (now Myanmar) during World War ll. In his memoir of his combat experiences, The Marauders, Ogburn reflected upon an aspect of life’s unfairness-

“It is this. Being unready and ill-equipped is what you have to expect in life. It is the universal predicament. It is your lot as a human being to lack what it takes. Circumstances are seldom right. You never have the capacities, the strength, the wisdom, the virtue you ought to have. You must always make do with less than you need in a situation vastly different from what you have chosen as appropriate for your special endowments.”  (p. 7)

 

Another aspect of life’s unfairness lies in the situations of those born with the proverbial “silver spoon in their mouths.” My wife and I just finished binge watching a British crime series entitled “McDonald and Dobbs” in which a fictional Detective Chief Inspector (DCI) McDonald and Detective Sergeant (DS) Dobbs are a team. DS Dobbs is what the Brits would say is a clever man in that he can find patterns from random numbers and bits of info to help solves crimes.

In one episode of the series, a man murders two others so he could purchase a map to embarrass a former professor of his who did not pass in a course at the university. What DS Dobbs found discerning about the case is that the murderer was born into wealth and possessed the manners and speech of an expensive prep school education. Also, one of his victims was an old school chum of Dobbs.

Dobbs shared with DCI McDonald, his supervisor, that his friend used to complain bitterly about his lot in life being unfair. His old chum’s bitterness would anger Dobbs who felt his friend had everything he needed to be successful in life. Dobbs had calculated that 17 billion people had lived on our planet and only 300 million people were born to truly take advantage of what life had given them; that number included the murderer. Dobbs’ murdered friend, and Dobbs himself. Dobbs concluded that those to advantage have the responsibility to continue to develop their “silver spoons” to provide for themselves and to assist those in less fortunate situations. Unfortunately, if they do not achieve their goals, they tend to become victims and blame others like the murderer who blamed the professor and Dobbs murdered chum who blamed life in general.

Another group of people who tend to be victimized by unfairness in life from the marginalized folks who have historically suffered discrimination but no longer face legalized prejudices. While society has changed, mindsets linger in the past for those who chose to do so. They do not merely desire opportunities for success, but demand guaranteed outcomes and if they do not get what they want, they blame others for their racism, sexism, etc. These people suffer from decision bias- they make bad decisions based on how they perceive the world, not how the world truly operates.

And their bad decisions usually focus on immediate gratification, not on delayed gratification. For example, culture commentators generally agree that three actions must be accomplished in order for men and women to lay a foundation for success-

1.    Graduate high school

2.    Marry

3.    Have children

Denis Waitley in his Empires of the Mind asserts that if a person wants to know who is responsible for holding him/her back from success, one needs to look in the mirror! I concur. So, whether one is a “silver spooner”, a member of a historic marginalized group, or just someone put in an unfortunate situation, life is indeed an equal opportunity disrupter. Life is unfair- get used to it!